My niece died Thursday. She was 28 and she died. She was my first niece. I love her. She said I was her favorite auntie. I miss her. She was fun and funny.

Im mad at her. She didn’t fight. She left us.

I’m sad. She has 3 kids that will grow up motherless. My big sister is heartbroken. No mother should ever lose a child ever.

I’m happy. She doesn’t have to live with pain or hurt or any of that. She’s an angel now. I’m happy about that.

I love her


Another Relationship. . . Tonya

Excerpt from Another Relationship avaliable now on Amazon

Tonya Lewis

“I can’t believe he had the nerve to show up here after shutting me out for two damn months.” I said plopping myself down on the sofa.

“He thinks he’s got it like that. Can be absent for so long and then just swoop in and expect you to just fall all over him… although that’s what you usually do.” Max giggled.

“Shut up! It’s different this time.” I swatted at her.

“How so sister friend? Please tell me?” She said scooting closer to me on the sofa.

“Because I’m happy now.” And I was. Michael had made me happier in just a few short weeks than Ben had in the past three years. Things were happening so quickly, Michael and I hadn’t discussed what our future might look like, or if we even had one to speak of. What I knew for sure was that my feelings for him hadn’t faded as much as I had myself believe, especially since it was so easy for us to pick up right where he left off.

“You truly are, and you need to remind yourself of that.” my mom said as she walked into the room. “You know how your father and I feel about marriage. We’ve been together since the dawn of time, but sometimes relationships run their course.”

“Listen to Momma. She knows what she’s talking about. We all just want your happiness and if Ben doesn’t do that for you, then you should move on.” Max said.

I listened as they spoke. I loved them for caring about me so much. All I wanted was happiness too, not only for me, but for Junior as well. He was happy here. He was making new friends in the neighborhood. He got to spend time with his grandparents and overall, he was just thriving here. Did I really want to take him away from all of that?

I walked over to the door and watched as Ben played with Junior. It was a sight I hadn’t seen in a long time and Junior was enjoying himself. I smiled at the two of them. If things had only been like this before, I thought.

My cell phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket to see Michael’s smiling face. I had been home a few hours and hadn’t called him yet.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hey beautiful. Everything okay?” He asked.

“Yea. I want to apologize for Ben’s behavior. I didn’t know he was coming. He kind of just showed up.”

“Don’t apologize for him. I don’t know what you ever saw in the guy. When is he leaving?”

“He said he’s not leaving until I decide if I’m going back for California with him.”


“I don’t know Michael. You know it’s more complicated than that. Before I ran back in to you, the only man on my radar was him.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m confused. I know how I feel about you, how I’ve always felt about you. But I married him and I don’t take that lightly.” I told him. There was silence on the line for a moment before either of us spoke again.

“Can you come see me later? Please?” he asked, urgency in his tone.

“I’ll do my best. You gonna be home?”

“Yea, I’ll be there. You don’t even have to call first. Just come, okay Beautiful?”

“Okay.” I said before hanging up. I slid my phone back into my pocket sighing heavily before turning to see Mom and Max staring at me from the sofa.

“Why me?” I said aloud. I wished someone had the answer.

Release day coming soon


Coming this Friday


After a week of actually working out of state, and two more spent with Monica in San Diego, I had to head home. I hated saying goodbye to Monica, and I hated admitting to myself that I was catching feelings for her. Before her, no woman had ever made me want to be with them more than Tonya. They were all just a moment in time, and once that moment passed, they were lucky if I even remembered their names.

While waiting for Monica to come out of a convenience store, I called Tonya from the rental car to inform her that I would be home later that evening. I sighed, thinking about the chore of romancing her, when in her presence was the last place I wanted to be.

Two hours later I turned the key to enter our condo. Tonya and Junior were at the door with balloons and cake yelling “SURPRISE” as soon as I was in the foyer.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Junior yelled, running up to me with outstretched arms.

I picked him up and kissed his chubby brown cheek. I hadn’t realized it until that moment, but I missed my boy.

“We missed you.” Tonya said, hugging me around the neck with one arm.

“I missed you guys too.” I told her. It was only a half truth.

“Well go wash up for dinner. I made your favorite turkey spaghetti and Junior helped me bake your favorite vanilla cake.” She smiled sweetly. I kissed Junior on the forehead placing him on the couch.

I stood at the bathroom sink with the water running, staring at myself in the mirror.

“You okay babe?” Tonya said walking up behind me. I jumped startled a bit.

“Uh… yeah… I’m okay. I’m just tired. Give me a minute here and I’ll come sit down for dinner.” I told her, trying to wipe the concern off her face.

“Okay Ben. Don’t take too long.” Tonya said, smiling lovingly before she left me alone.

I washed my hands and splashed water on my face. I had to get it together. I was yearning Monica. I had it bad.



After dinner, I put my boy to bed then hopped in the shower. When I got out, Tonya was waiting for me on the bed. She had candles lit, soft music playing, and she was wearing brand new lingerie. She looked great, with her hair out of her usual bun, framing her face and cleavage. Her chocolate skin looked like silk against the fabric as she lay there, sprawled across the bed.

I knew what she wanted. I hadn’t seen her in three weeks and we hadn’t been intimate in almost two months. I had been with Monica one last time just that afternoon, and the sweetness of her skin still tap danced on my senses.

“Hey honey,” Tonya said sitting up “I’ve missed you. Come over here.” She slowly tossed her hair off of her shoulder, revealing her beautiful silky chocolate skin. Biting the corner of her lip, she patted the bed gently.

“Tonya I’m tired. I’ve had a busy few weeks and a long flight home. Can we just go to bed?’ and I was tied, mostly of pretending I was content with being home. I watched as her expression changed from sexy to defeated.

“But I… yea… I guess we can just go to bed if you’re that tired.” She covered herself as if she had just noticed she was exposed, making sure to look anywhere but directly at me.

She pulled back the covers on her side and climbed into bed. I slid in on my side and turned my back to her, pulling the covers up to my chest. I grabbed my phone, and sent a message.

Can’t wait to see you again beautiful ❤

I placed my phone down before turning off the lamp on my nightstand. Tonya scooted as far away from me as she could and tried to quiet her sniffles.

Til its done


This is the face of a girl who gets to keep her job until July. What does that mean for me? It means I’m gonna keep job hunting  that’s what it means. I just don’t have to be in a rush. My sense of urgency is still there tho . I’m expendable and I know that now. It ain’t done til IT’S done I guess

My life… right now

Hey y’all!

I know I have been taking pretty long breaks from blogging and I miss updating here. You guys already know about my eye issues which were preventing me from doing much in the form of writing, even here but my eyes are slowing getting better so that’s a plus.

On the downside, I found out 2 days ago that I, and a few other people are being laid off. My last day here is april 30th. In the meantime I have updated my resume and have already started looking for something else, something better than this place.  Truth be told, I was tired of this job and had been for quite a few years. I just got comfortable,.The money is decent, I don’t struggle with finances, I get to dress how I want. I get to come and go as I please and the work is pretty easy. So, it was easy to get comfortable here and get stuck. This year I would have been here 9 years. Being laid off for me was j7ust the push I needed to get the hell out of here.

I am a believer and I know God has something greater in store for me so I’m not worried, I’m faithful.

You guys continue to pray for me please and thank you!

P.S. I met a guy who I really like, I’ll talk about him another day and also, my 3rd novel will be lreased soon! I’m so excited!!!!!