Coming home. . .Dilemma

So after 2 years of being 3000 miles apart my love is coming home! *dances a jig*

He got a job working a little more close to home. He’s going to be in Northern California in San Francisco which is about 8hrs away from Southern California and a good hr away flying.

Although I go through periods where I really miss him and wish he was here with us everyday, I’ve grown quite used to the distance and not seeing him all the time. So when he has to start his new gig it will be okay.

It is truly a blessing that he was offered a job close to home. He had to step out on faith and decided it was the best choice for him right now. He packed up all of his supplies and Sunday afternoon started the long drive from the east coast back to the west coast.

He’ll be back in town on Friday at some point and I am as usual, excited to see him. Jasmine makes sure to tell me often that “daddy gon take me and Kayla to the park, he’s just at YaYa(his mom) house.”

The park is the last thing they did together before he left and YaYa’s house is the last place she remembers seeing him. It’s like her mind hits pause every time he leaves and she will talk about the last time she saw him until she sees him again.Β  Needless to say, we’re excited πŸ™‚

On another note:

I received a letter in the mail from child support. Apparently they have been unable to find this dude since I filed back in March of 2010 and now they would like my assistance in providing information that would be helpful to them. Y’all, I’m tired of this! I’m not concerned with his whereabouts or his money( or lack there of). I’ve done a great job is I do say so myself of supporting myself and jasmine for the past almost 2.5years and I have no need for anything from him and neither does Jas. We’re good!

My mom thinks I should provide any info I have because he SHOULD be financially responsible for Jasmine if nothing else. My honey feels like she doesn’t need SHAT from him. She has a DADDY and she’s better off without him since its obvious he’s not mature enough to take of his responsibilities.

I agree with them both in a since. It’s like, I didn’t make her myself so I should be the only one taking care of her. However, in reality, I knew I could end up being the sole parent. As women(and some men), we have to be prepared( married or not) to be the sole parent because our partners can walk away, and sometimes they do.Β  In my case, he wasn’t there from the start so it’s very easy for me to dismiss him. It’s not like he was there and he left.

I say all that so say, I don’t know what to do really. I don’t want to be involved in any fuckery involving sperm donor. I don’t care where he is or about his money. I don’t want to make myself unnecessarily upset in regards to that situation but, should I do it for Jasmine?

I don’t know y’all. I really don’t. . . but my babe will be here Friday!

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22 thoughts on “Coming home. . .Dilemma

  1. ok, so i don’t have kids so i feel a little odd weighing in on this one. However, if I’m anything in life it’s an avoider of bullshit. I will move mountains to avoid drama and bs, which is where I’m commenting from…

    My thing is this – you are making it without him. You are providing for her and she wants for nothing. I met her – she’s a well-adjusted, social, not raggedy (lol – jk) kid! She doesn’t need him. should he pay? hell yeah. No question about that.

    My worry is that if you track him down he could retaliate in the form of insisting to be in her life. While I think every child should have a father figure – some aren’t well-suited for the tast whether or not they made the baby. If i were you I’d worry more about how he’d try to demand visitation and such than I would about a piddly little check that i likely wouldn’t ever see since he’s obviously not trying to do anything right…

    and to me that’s entering into a situation of potential bullshit just to prove a point.

    I know you aren’t trying to prove a point and i know i don’t need to put disclaimers on this to clarify how I feel…i just wouldn’t likely go through anything that might put bs in my life when my baby already has a strong role model

  2. I think you should fill out the paperwork. No one questions your ability to give Jas everything she wants/needs…you will always continue to do that. BUT….that money has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Jas. She is due that money and right now she can’t speak to say it. if you don’t want to use the cash, deposit it in an account in her name. Give it to her when she goes off to college/turns 18.

  3. I have a friend in the same situation as you regarding Child Support. Listen. It’s the principal. Whether you need or want his money or not he has a responsibility. He did the deed then he needs to provide. I would give them every bit of information I could find. On some oh buddy you thought you was getting away. Spiteful would be the word I’m looking for.

    On a happier note, good for you that honey is coming closer to home! You’ve been waiting on this. Now you can see your relationship grow. I’m happy for you!

    • I have no spite in me but I will see what I can dig up in regard to him. Just ugh!

      Since he’s been gone we’ve gotten so close. He really is one of my best friends

  4. I say provide the info. It may be a headache but if it benefits your daughter in anyway… maybe, it’s worth it? Sucky situation. Makes me angry when people don’t respect the blessing that a child is. Pretty selfish of him…

  5. Congrats on the honey returning! That’s awesome news for all of you.

    I’m a new reader to your blog but I am also a single mother. My thoughts on what you should are simple: make him pay. We can do it on our own but at the end of the day, why allow someone who is just as responsible for someone else like you, get to tap out? No way. Your daughter deserves that money or at least to be shown that people cannot just walk away from anything in life without any consequences. She will appreciate you for this one day later in life.

    • Hey monique, welcome!

      my rational mind agrees with you ( all of you) 100% but my idontgiveafugg-ness just wants to wash my hands of it. Rational mind always wins. I guess I fill out those damn papers. . again.

  6. I’m gonna say provide the info. I have a big issue for men not supporting their children. Even if he doesn’t want to be in Jas’s life, he needs to help support her. Even if he’s paying you $5 a month, it’s the principal of the matter!

    • That’s what I used to say then I said eff principal, I don’t even feel like dealing with this crap and that’s why I did.

  7. I’m glad you “art thou loosed” to see your boo. And you already know what i’ma say about other dude. Show me the money. Forget about what you’re doing. Let go of the “I can do this by myself” for a moment. Stop being stubborn and make dude pay like he weigh. It’s not money for you. It’s not taking anything away from you or what you’re doing. That money is owed to Jas, no matter how sorry he is he owes her at least that much. Give them his mama’s number, his other babymama’s number, the place he works, the gym he plays ball at, his license plate number, the store he buys gum in..whatever you got…get what’s owed to your daughter. Don’t make it easier for him to be a deadbeat dad. He might not have to do anything else for her, but let him know he damn sure is going to contribute financially.

  8. I’m happy that yo man is coming closer. I love (CHEAP!!!) hour flights to see someone you love!

    As far as the child support issue… I think that you should provide the information that you have. I know that you can provide for her and you have been doing a great job, but to me its not about what you can do for her but what he OWES Jasmine.

    • You know I’ve never been anywhere up north aside from Sacramento when I was younger.

      What you’re saying about CS is what I think my mom was saying also. I just feel like I’ve done this already.

  9. I am going to swoop in and not be much help here. I am an advocate of child support. I dont think a guy should be able to get off scott free after making a baby. It’s just not right to me. I would totally stick it to him! But It would be difficult for me to tell you to go after it if you have no desire or need for it. I guess it’s best to save the headaches.

    Congrats on you and your boo getting closer. I am happy that you are happy. πŸ™‚

    • That’s the thing, I am all for people going after the child support but when a person is doing so much to avoid paying its like, what’s the point?

  10. Yay that’s much closer so happy for you two. If you are straight and don’t need his help then I would move on I don’t know why these men don’t want to take care of their own flesh and blood. My dad is the same way he came around when I got married to show off then disappeared.

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