Back in 2007

So I was looking through emails I had saved on yahoo ( which I rarely use at all anymore) and came across something very interesting. It was a 2007 conversation between me and the then( who knows that they are doing now) current girlfriend of my ex whom I had broke up with a few months prior. She had been texting from his email to my cell phone( red flag #1) pretending to be him. I hadn’t heard from this dude in like 3 months and i hadn’t cared to, so that was very odd. She proceeded to ask me for a picture ( red flag #2) which I also thought was odd and asked why he wanted pics. She made up some reason so I sent them. Then she goes on to try and reveal herself. Telling me, and this is an exact copy and paste from the exchange. . .

sexxy blkman wrote: Bet you didn’t know he was flying chicks into Cali now
did you….But you know waht it’s not ur fault…I am
just letting u know…what occured on ur time…”

Yeah, to say I was taken aback is an understatement. I wasn’t mad though, I was mainly confused by her motives because by this time, I’ve moved on. I’m not thinking about him. I could care less about what or who he was doing and If he was cheating on me while we were together, I didn’t find out while we were together so 3 months later, it’s irrelevant to me ya know? So I respond to her with this. . .


So are you trying to get back at him? What’s your purpose? Is it to try and make me angry(because its not working lol)? I’m confused. There has to be a method behind your madness lol. I asked you who you were a few times already. What’s the big secret? I already let him know what was between he and I is done. I’m inclinded to believe you but I am really not into the game playing. So if there is something you need me to know, go ahead. If you have said all you have to say then you have a good day, whoever you are.


So she goes on to ask me more question like WHY we broke up and to tell me she’s just trying to connect dots and blah blah blah. Pretty much a bunch of shit I could have cared less about. I had washed my hands of him and that relationship so it just didn’t matter to me anymore. This was my last emailed response to her. . .

“You are very selective with the questions you choose to answer. That strikes me as strange. I asked who you are like 3 times already. Why haven’t you answered that question? I have no problems telling you the real deal but you seem to be secretive about your real deal. I broke up with him because he wasn’t the same guy I was involved with for years. He had changed and I’m not a big fan of change when it doesn’t affect me in a postive way. I called this relationship off and I haven’t heard from him since which is why it also struck me as strange that he would out of the blue ask for pictures of me. I know he already has some but it was whatever. I care for him but not enough to be caught up in any kind of drama. I am highly allergic to it and don’t involve myself in it. If this conversation were to take place a few months back maybe you would have gotten a different reaction out of me. I am successfully moving on with my life. If he and I are meant to be then maybe one day we will. He has a lot of growing up to do. A women like me will not wait around for him to do so. So if I see him in a few weeks, months, years from now and I feel like reconnecting what we once had then so be it. But until that time, he can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants because I am not involved. I associate with his brother who I view as my own and that is the only connection I still have to him.Β Any wrong doing on his part was done in secret and not in front of my face. He and I never had conversations about other women because when he was with me, there was never another woman. Our relationship ended on a good note. I am inclined to keep it that way. I’m sure If I were to ask him about all of this he would say it was untrue ( like any man would) so without any proof of his wrong doing I can’t be upset about it at all. If there is anything else you need or want to say go ahead and hit me up, but how about you do it from your own email lol. Why are you on his email anyway? Trying to catch him up I’m sure. Good luck with that. I never had time to play the detective game either. If someone goes searching for something they will be sure to find what they were looking for an then some *shrug*. No disrespect but real women do real things. Looks like you have my cell number, you could have called and talked to me or met me face to face to discuss whatever this is. So you say you’re not with the games but that’s what this all is. A BIG GAME! So who’s winning?”

So she found her balls and called me. I was very nice to her and answered all the questions she had. Come to find out, she thought EYE was the other woman. I was with him for 3 years, she was with him for a year and a half at that point, you do the math. She got a lot of bombs dropped on her and in the end she felt really dumb. I was just annoyed. Like this broad disrupted my day for some BS. Oh I didn’t mention that all of this went on while I was at work! Yeah so my day was kinda ruined and I couldn’t get back into my work groove.

He ended up calling me that night to give me “closure” *rolls eyes hell hard*. He really didn’t say much and the things he did say sounded so dumb he could have saved the airtime he used to call me. He did give me closure though. By the end of the conversation I knew that he was an idiot and that if ol girl choose to stay with him, he deserved everything she was going to get by being involved with him.

I ended up writing this. . .

The Hurt. . .
Sitting here listening to music.
Everything sounds like a sad love song to me.
I should be working but what is work right now? Nothing really makes sense to me. I let myself get over him with optimism.
I believed that what was meant to be would be eventually and if not, it just want meant to be at all.
But to find out it was all a big lie just hurts.
I would have loved to hold on to the imagined truth that it all ended on a good note. That he was actually a good person.
That what we once shared was something real and true.
It wasn’t.
It was like a big joke and I was the butt of it all.
So my emotions are changing.
I went from calm to sad and now I am just angry.
I think I deserve and explanation!
I spent time building something that fell apart.
Maybe I need to work on my architectural skills.
I know there is nothing about me that needs to change.
I just keep meeting the wrong partners!
It would be really easy for me to turn into the biggest bitch and blow off every guy who glanced at me.
But I still don’t think all men are dogs.
I think all the men I’ve messed with where fucked up! Had nothing to do with me. You know when things don’t work out the way you plan them you start to question whether things went downhill because of something you did.
I refuse to blame myself!
I stayed true threw all of this.
I just wish yesterday didn’t happen.
I wish she never called me.
I wish she had suffered in silence.
I wish my heart wasn’t aching.
I wish I could cry this away.
I just wish. . .
But wishing doesn’t work.
This has to be part of his plan for me.
Maybe something really good will come of all of this.
I got rid of the cancer and I think I will remain in remission as long as he’s on the other side of the country.
Things like this do shake your trust in people.
I am going to have to be cautious of people and the things they say and do.
I promise that I will come out on top in all of this.
I am still an optimist; this situation won’t change that for me at all.
I won’t let it break me down any further than it already has.
So thank you for being a coward.
Thank you for doing what you did.
Thank you for misusing my love and trust.
Thank you for breaking my heart.
Thank you for breaking your promises.
The hurt will eventually fade and so will any lasting thoughts of you.
Ex-love, this is goodbye.
It’s so funny how things happen. I was already over this dude and she went snooping and found out more than she bargained for. I learned from that relationship like I’ve learned from every relationship I’ve been in.
  • Watch those those clues but don’t go searching for things that aren’t there.
  • If you man/ woman changes, make sure you figure out what’s going on. Don’t overlook the change
  • If you feel the need to snoop and find yourself not trusting your partner, the relationship is already over
  • even though you know a person, you still may not know them
  • make sure your love for yourself is much deeper than your love for your partner. Things like, ” He’s/she’s my world!” “my everything” ” I can’t live without”Β  should be reserved for yourΒ  husband/wife and children. Not for a boyfriend/girlfriend unless the plans for a wedding/marriage are in the near future.

We live and we learn and are better because of it.

7 thoughts on “Back in 2007

  1. Oooh child, that’s the kind of drama I used to thrive on. It kept me young, sharp, and vibrant. Nowadays I can’t be bothered. That reminds me, must find new ways to stay young. Drinking baby tears doesn’t work.

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