He has SEVERAL what!?

I wasn’t planning on blogging about this but since it’s something that affects my life and that’s pretty much what this blog is about, and also because Bartista my little Vanilla gum drop made me realize that releasing things into the universe is healing, I decided to write about it.

You all know I’m a single mother. Some of you may have even read the letter I wrote to Sperm Donor at the start of the year. After I wrote that letter I released everything. I didn’t care about anything involving him and more so, I didn’t care if he met Jasmine at that point. I was completely done.  I filed a claim for child support, and though I knew it would not have been more than pennies, Jasmine deserved to have some financial support from both people who helped create her.

I filed this past January and hadn’t heard a single word about it since. I kept having to call and try to get an update on the case status and the results were always the same, no new news.  On Monday, I received a call from an “unknown number” so of course I let it go to voicemail. When I checked the message it was from a worker assigned to my child support case calling me with some information and asking me to call her back. I called back and she said she was my new case worker and she had good news and bad new o_O you know that’s never a good sign. So she began with, ” Sperm donor has SEVERAL cases against him right now. ” I said, ” wait. . . what? did you say “SEVERAL”? ” She replied, ” yes I did.” The only word I could get out of my mouth next was , “WOW!” . Then she went on to explain to me that the county messed up my paper work. Had my last name and Jasmine’s name spelled wrong and they also served him incorrectly. So they had to start from SCRATCH! I was pissed! This also meant that I would bet almost $200 less than that had previous assessed. The good news she said, was that when all was said and done, he’d have to make up payments from this past April.

Mind you, the money isn’t the issue here. The issue is that I have been going through this process for nearly a year with no progress  and now they have to start over! And of course the other issue is, how huge of a fucking liar Sperm Donor is. Like seriously, what man lies about having kids? Like how can you have SEVERAL open child support cases? How many kids are you actually running from?  I really wanted to drive to where he lives and beat the shit out of him. I was really tempted to do it. But what would that solve, when all was said and done I wouldn’t feel any better. And to make matters worse, one of these days, I’m going to have to explain this to Jasmine. I am going to have to tell her that Sperm Donor couldn’t handle the responsibility of being anyone’s father ( obviously) that he chose not to be involved. I have to watch my child have her feelings hurt by someone who isn’t worth a single emotion from her. But I know it’s inevitable and that’s what hurts me the most.

So Monday I did a lot of thinking and a lot of being angry and a lot of crying. I’ve never hated someone so much in my life. I know it takes so much energy to hate someone, and I hate that I hate him, but I just think about how this is going to affect my child in the future and I hate him in advance for her.

The past year has been filled with more ups than downs which is why you guys don’t see me write much negative stuff. I’m raising a happy, healthy, smart beautiful little girl and that is something I can always take pride in. She smiles at me and hugs me and smooches me and I know I am doing a great job. I have a very large support system consisting of family and awesome friends. She has great positive male role models. She has my Dad, her pops who she loves dearly. She has a great GodFather. She has uncles and most of all, my Boyfriend has been with me since before I even knew I was pregnant with her. He staked his claim on her before she was even born. He told me often that she was HIS baby. And to this day that still makes me teary. She calls him daddy and she loves him to death. She gets excited just to talk to him on the phone. Their relationship makes me so happy to think about it makes me smile and see those cartoon hearts floating around my head. Jasmine is surrounded by so much love its ridiculous!

Boyfriend and I had a talk a few weeks ago about what WE were going to tell her when she got older. He wanted to know if we were even going to tell her about Sperm Donor. I told him that when the time was right and when she could fully understand I would tell her. And I would tell her the truth. His concern was the same as mine, how hurt she might be by this. But he also said that she would always know that he was her Daddy and he was never going to leave her. *tear*

Sperm Donor was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life. Like “knowing”( because its obviously I didn’t know his lying ass at all!) him and even being involved with him was just a mistake. But I wouldn’t take it back because Jasmine wouldn’t be with me now. And I truly feel that she was put on this earth to be with me. She and I are meant to be and that’s what matters most.

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13 thoughts on “He has SEVERAL what!?

  1. Pingback: The one where SD is ordered to pay « The Musings of Me

  2. I m sorry that you had to deal with that but GOD not only gave you a beautiful little girl but a great guy at your side. My pastor recently said “GOD forgives you for your sins but sometimes you have to deal with the consequences.” Being a man who has experienced “Baby Mama Drama” I felt he was speaking directly to me.

    What I love the most about what you said was “How can you hate someone that gave you such a precious gift ?” Although I dislike someof the things that my daughter’s mom has done, I very much love the woman that gave me a gift that no other woman had.

    Much luck to the three of you.

    • Lucky for me I don’t have any drama nor will I cause any because that’s not me. I’ve been blessed that I can surround my daughter with positive male role models as well as a man who she can call Daddy.

      I still dislike sperm donor very much but I won’t use of any space in my heart filling it with hate for someone who doesn’t even deserve to be a thought.

      I hope for the sake of everyone involved you can work through your issues with my daughters mother. I’m sure she’s not happy about every choice you have made either. But the fact is, you helped her create a life so I really hope you are taking on equal shares of responsibility. Physically, emotionally AND financially.
      Thanks for commenting.

  3. You’re daughter is super cute! I think I love her!

    At least she knows she has a mother who will be there no matter what she is super blessed! Just give her all the love and support you can, God will take care of the rest!

    *hugs*

    • Aww thank u! U made me literally LOL with the ” I think I love her!” Let me tell you, she is a blessing to me. I can’t imagine my life without her in it. So u better believe I will do everything in my power to make sure she always knows how loved she is, along with the rest of the people in her life.

  4. **Sending hugs your way**
    I know how you feel.
    The things my son has learned around his dad are some things a five year old should have no idea of knowing. His IGNORANT tail doesn’t have sense enough to guard his son from things that he has no business seeing. Now that boils my blood.
    I have muttered many times, out loud and to myself, that I HATE HIM. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s so hard not to when he won’t grow up and be a man to his son.

  5. Sorry to hear that he’s such an azz Krissy! As you’ve said, you’re working through the emotions and trying to let go of the hate and I hope that you can release it sooner than later. I smiled when you said that the past year has been filled with more ups than downs, then I kept smiling as you talked about Jasmin and her REAL dad (your boyfriend). Their bond is priceless!!

    • I’m sorry too! I can’t stand the fact that jasmine has to go through any of this. But overall I’m happy with life and really I think that’s what matters most.

  6. I’m bawling over here!!! My grandmother always tells me that every disappointment is for a good…and look at how good she is! perfect in every way. so, yeah Sperm Donor is a scumbag douche-bucket, but he did one thing right when he made his deposit the day Princess J was conceived. So don’t hate on him anymore, that takes up valuable space in your heart that you could use to love on well-deserving people.

    • I’m working on not hating him. I really am because he doesn’t deserve any emotion from me period!

      Thank you for your kind words sugar. Now you have me tearing up! Sheesh! Lol

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