Tonight I cried

Tonight I cried.

I cried because life isn’t always easy and staying positive becomes a daunting task.

I cried because sometimes being a single mom sucks.

I cried because God works in his own time and not mine.

I cried because I’m not where I want to be and really don’t know when I will get there.

I cried because my baby is growing up and I love it, but, I don’t like it.

I cried because I’d love to be a mother of at least 2 but I don’t know if my body is with that plan.

I cried because there are things I need to explain to my child but still have not found the words or the courage.

I cried because I’m suffering from writers block and keep missing deadlines I’ve set for myself.

I cried because sometimes adulting is way too much pressure.

I cried.

Ugly cried.

I released it into my hands and then, I let it go.

That doesn’t mean I won’t cry again but, for now, I feel a little lighter. I feel like I can take on whatever comes next. I feel a little freer.

My boo girl

This past weekend was great. I spent time with bae, with fam and finally got to meet someone I love dearly. Christina and her beautiful family had a California vacation and she made sure meeting me was on her agenda. We met at Roscos chicken and waffles because why not and I loved meeting all 4 of them. Izzy is the cutest, Zoe is adorable and Byron is a great guy but my Christina is just how shes always been. It didnt feel like a first meeting. It felt like we hang out often (and lord knows I wish they lived closer]. We could have sat in that restaurant forever. Im so happy we got to meet and our kiddos got a chance to hang (even tho it took them forever to warm up to each other lol) I’m looking forward to hanging with my bloggy BFF again in the future ❤❤



Hey Guys.

I can’t believe I haven’t been here in so long. There have been some changes in my life and they take up so much of my time. I’m trying to find my groove again but that’s really hard.

I started a new job on January 27th and it’s been cool. I don’t think this is my career but it pays decent and I an able to save so Jas and I can move back into our own place.

I’ve been in a beautiful relationship with the best guy ever for almost 15 months and I can say it’s been amazing having someone in my life like him.

I started a new story because I got stuck on the one I had been writing. It’s a phase and it will pass. I’m happier now and it helps to be in a good head space when you write so we’ll see how it pans out.

My family reunion is in July here in cali and I’m super excited to see everyone who will actually make it, especially since this will be the last one we host since folks can’t find the time to travel to us. We’re not mad tho, we just removed it from the table and that’ll be that.

Jas is more than halfway through the 1st grade and I am so proud of all her milestones and accomplishments. She’s come a long way since last August. She reads and is great in math and I’m just a proud mama.

What’s been going on with you guys?

Excerpt from Untitled

I still haven’t come up with a title for this book yet but I’m writing again so that’s a start right? lol Here’s an excerpt. . . .

I can’t believe I even agreed to this, but Destiny was persistent and assured me we’d have a great evening, however, I wasn’t convinced. She and Renee thought I needed their help finding Mr. Right, so they planned for me to meet them downtown for a dating site meet and greet. They explained it to be like speed dating, which I had never done and wasn’t interested in but, I promised them to do my best to keep an open mind.

I found my girls already at the bar having a drink when I arrived.

“Hey Boo!” Destiny said a little too loud, pulling me in for a hug.

“Hey girl.” I hugged her back. I hadn’t seen my girls in a few weeks and I missed them.

“You look cute.” Renee said, hugging me.

“Thank you. I really didn’t know how I should dress to something like this and I figure you can’t go wrong with skinnies.” I had on my white skinny jeans and a floral top with my favorite gold sandals. I felt like I looked good but, most importantly for me, I was comfortable.

Renee was only there for fun seeing as she already had a boo, but she never wanted to be left out of any shenanigans Destiny and I were bound to get into.

I grabbed a drink and the girls and I found an empty table. A few minutes later the event host walked out to explain what we’d be doing. She told us that 3 men would be at every table and each woman would have 5 minutes to get to know the men at her table. At the end of each session the women would either choose one man by writing his name down or, she wouldn’t choose any of them. Either way, she’d move on to the next group and the process would start again. We were going to do this for an hour. After that hour, we’d have 5 minute individual dates with the men we had singled out and whittled them down until we have just picked one. The guy we chose would have to set up an actual date for a later time during the week.

I wasn’t very optimistic but, this was going to be interesting.

I nervously walked over to the first table, fluffing my blouse a few times as I could feel my chest start to sweat a little. I’m typically a very confident person, but I had never been in a situation like this before. I took my seat smiling at the men. Two of them licked their lips, smiling back, the other look on, bored.

“Have you guys done this before?” I asked.

“Yea.” All three said in unison.

“Well I’m Max.” I told them looking over at the huge timer on the table that read 4:50. My time to get to know them had already started and I didn’t know where to begin.

I sat in the midst of Sam, a very chubby dark skin man. Peter, an average looking white man and Aaron, a very attractive brown skin man who would typically be my type however, he was the one who didn’t seem interested in being in the building at all.

“So what type of women are you into?” I asked.

“One like you.” Sam said, winking at me. I did my best not to roll my eyes.

“I’m really into the sistas.” Peter said, giving me his best sexy face, that did nothing for me but make me giggle inside.

“And you Aaron?” I said, smiling at him.

“I like a slim chick with a fat ass, kinda like ol girl over there.” He said pointing to one of the women who sat near us at a table.

“Oh, my bad. I’m sorry you’re wasting your time here.” I tried to hide the disgust I was feeling.

“It’s cool. That’s how these things are. You gotta get through all the uglies to get tp the ones who are hot. I mean, not that you’re ugly. You’re nice looking, just not my type.” He shrugged.

“Wow. I guess it’s nice that you’re honest, but you should work on being less of a dick about it. It’s not cute.” At that moment I was literally saved by the bell when the timer went off. I got up from that table without writing down a single name.

The next few tables weren’t as bad. The men were friendlier but, I had yet to write down any names. I started to realize that I had let Aaron annoy me and that was preventing me from just having any fun with the experience. On my way to the 9th table, I gave myself a little pep talk and shook off the funk.

I sat at a table with 3 new men. All handsome.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” I smiled.

“Good so far.” One said.

“You’re beautiful.” Said another.

“I’m John.” Said the third, who had the most beautiful smile and chocolate skin.

I laughed a loud.

“I’m Max. Nice to meet you John. And you guys are?”

“I’m Roy.” The handsome light skin curly haired guy in the middle said.

“And I’m Alex.” Said, the brown skin slim guy with the blue eyes.

“I see I got a good table. You’re all handsome.”

They all thanked me and began telling me about themselves. I ended up writing down Johns name before I moved on to the next table.

By the end of the hour I had only written down 3 names. I met up with Destiny and Renee to check in with them.

“How many did you get?” Destiny asked, smiling.

“Three.” I told her holding up my cards.

“I got 7.” Destiny said, dancing a little.

“I got one.” Renee said.

Destiny and I both looked at her confused.

“Yea, I wasn’t trying to get any. I was just here for fun but, this one guy Aaron wrote his own name on a card and handed it to me.”

I looked at Destiny, rolling my eyes.

“Girl I know. He told me I was too big and not his type. He was cute but, he wasn’t all that. He would have killed my whole vibe had I got him first.” Destiny said.

“Yea, and I did get him first and he had killed my vibe until I talked myself back into enjoying the experience.”

“What a damn jerk.” Renee said, tearing up the card with his name on it.

Renee headed over to the bar as Destiny and I joined the remaining ladies for the next round.

We were each seated at tables alone around the room. We handed someone our cards and a man we had chosen was ushered in one at the time for our mini dates.

One of my picks, Jose came and sat down with me. He was a nice looking Latino man with gorgeous green eyes and beautiful blush colored lips outlined by a neatly groomed mustache.

“So we meet again Max.” He said, smiling.

“We do. How was this for you?”

“Different. I had never done this before.”

“Me either. Now let me ask you a question so we don’t waste time.”


“Out of all the women here, would I be your first choice? And be honest.” I smiled.

“Well… no. I kind of clicked with another woman and I think she wrote my name down but, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get to know whoever wanted to get to know me.” He said, honestly.

“Well I appreciate that Jose and I wouldn’t want you to miss out on that special lady. You’re a nice guy though. I hope she picks you.”

Jose and I shook hands and he was ushered out after our time had expired.’

Donte came in next sitting down across from me. He looked young but, not enough to scare me off. He was a cutie pie, low haircut and broad shoulders. His caramel skin and beautiful smile made him stand out during out first encounter. He was also the most talkative and outgoing of the three.

“Hey Miss Max.” he said smiling.

“Hey cutie pie.” I smiled back.

“Is this over yet so we can get out of here?” he winked.

“No not yet. So tell me what you do for a living.”

“I’m a student over at the community college. You know trying to get it together.”

“So you don’t work?”

“No, I live with my parents. They’re holding it down for me while I finish my classes.”

“Um. . . okay. So how much more school do you have?”

“Well I’ve been going for 5 years so, hopefully not much longer.” He smiled.

I sat back, doing a little math in my head.

“So, you’ve been at a 2 year college for 5 years? Do they offer a master’s program now?”

“You funny girl. I just hadn’t figured out what I wanted to do so, I just took a few classes here and there.” He said, proudly.

“Interesting.” You know what they say about if you have nothing nice to say, I thought to myself.

“Is that a problem?” he asked, still smiling.

“For me, at this stage in my life, yes. I need to deal with me who are where they want to be in life or at least well on their way. You are still figuring that out. That isn’t a problem, it’s just not for me.” I told him.

“That’s cool. You’re a little too stuck up for my taste anyway.” He said, getting up as the buzzer went off.

Things weren’t looking too good for your girl. I was about ready to go.

I looked up and John was walking over to the table.

“Hey beautiful.” He said smiling before sitting down.


“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“This just wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be, I kind of feel like I’ve wasted a couple of hours here.” I told him truthfully.

“Dang so I’m a waste of time?” he asked, smiling.

“No, no not you. I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be getting to know you more.” I smiled.

“That’s right. Let me get to the point because I know our time is short. I’ve done this a few times and I’ve never met anyone worthwhile but, I’d like to get to know you a little more and I would love it if you’d let me take you out on a real date. I promise to be on my best behavior and to show you a good time. Scouts honor.” He said, holding three fingers in the air.

I burst into laughter. In a few moments he had changed my attitude toward the evening.

“Okay John. I’m gonna let you do that.” I told him, pulling a card from the table writing my number on it.

The buzzer rang and I got up from the table, walking over to the bar with Renee.

“That last one was cute Max.” She told me, sipping her drink.

“That last on got the digits too.” I told her smiling.

I guess the night wasn’t a bust.

Happy New Year

I know it’s the 11th already but Happy New Year guys!


I hope it’s starting off wonderful for everyone. I have already put in the universe that this year will be an amazing one for me.

I went to a vision board party this past weekend and it was. . . interesting. I’m not knocking it for people who swear by them but, it’s not something I’d do all the time. Now writing down your goals for the year and holding yourself accountable is something I’m all for and that’s something I did while I was there.

This year I plan on. . .

Securing employment. Yep, I’m still jobless but that will all change this year. I’ve been patient and humble and everything God has told me to be, so now I’ll just wait to see what comes to me. But it’s coming.

Write. I plan to finish not only one book but 2 this year. If I get more done that’s great but 2 is the goal and I will accomplish them.

Move into my own place again. Yea, I had to give up my place because I could no longer afford it. Talk about a blow to the gut. But I have to find the positives in things these days and I feel like that happened because my best friend had knee surgery and I needed to be here for her. And I am. I’m doing my part to make sure she’s taken care of and in return she had a house with 3 bedrooms, two of which were empty that are now occupied by me and Jas. It’s not ideal but it’s life right now for us and I can’t wait to have my own place again. I like to walk around Nekkid and it’s just weird to do that in someone elses house, even if we’re all girls.

Focus more on me. I tend to give a lot of energy and time to everyone else and little to myself. That changes this year.

Pray more. People think they pray a lot or they just pray when they want ot need something but I have made it my mission to pray as soon as my eyes open in the morning and thank God for that new day. Thank for all the things that are going right in my life and not just come to him with wants and needs. It makes me feel good to give praise.

Focus more on being healthy. For me that means drinking more water. Eating actual meals and walking more. I’ve stress lost a little weight but I know that’s not healthy so if I’m gonna lose weight  I want to do it in a healthy way. This goes back to focusing more on me.

Spend time with my family. I haven’t stopped doing this and this year I’m gonna do it more. We have a reunion coming up in July and I’m excited to see my extended family when they all come here to cali.

This also means for me spending more time with Jas. We spend a lot of time together now but I want to create more memories with her. We put together puzzles last week and had such a good time doing it. It’s the little things for her but I want her to look back at her childhood and say, ” My mommy was always there for me.”

Make time for love. My guy and I spent so much time together when I was first laid off and all summer. But he has taken on a part time job and we don’t see each other as much, although I talk to him every day. We just discussed last night how we cant neglect us. It’s going to take a little effort from the both of us but it’s so worth it. I don’t wanna jump the gun but I really feel like he’s “The one.” After almost a year of knowing each other and dating we’ve only grown closer and have really gotten to be great friends. He’s become one of my best friends and I have never had that before in a relationship. It’s lovely.


But those are my goals for the year and I plan to attain them all. Did you guys set any goals? Are any of you resolution people?





Where does the time go?



She was small like yesterday and now she’s been 6 for 6 days. 😥 like where did my baby go?



First grade? Getting leggy? Cuter? Who approved all of this? I didn’t!

I’m proud to be her mom. Proud to watch her grow and get smarter. Its amazing but I wish time would slow down just a little bit.


I feel like any time I blog lately it’s depressing so that’s why I haven’t been blogging. I really miss it tho.

In my life, much as changed and much as stayed the same.

I’m still unemployed. It’s been 7 months.

I’m still looking every day for employment.

I’m still trying my hardest to keep a positive spirit and attitude and that’s where things get tough.

This is a personal blog so I feel like I can continue to tell things the way that they are.

I was collecting my unemployment for the past 6 months. Did you know that after 6 months they cut you off completely? Even if you’re doing all of the things that they ask of you? Even if you REALLY are looking for employment and REALLY are going on interview after interview? Yep, they still cut you off. And you know what happens when you get cut off? You can’t pay your rent and you have to put in a 30 day notice and you have to start packing your shit because you have no other choice.

So that’s where I am now. Trying to figure out my next move and I’m tired yall. I’m so tired of being tested. I’m so tired of the struggle. I’m tired of crying. I’m just tired.

But I know that’s the devil. I know he’s trying to win and I can’t let that happen. I have to press forward. I have to keep going.

On a brighter note, my baby girl turned 6. I can’t believe I’ve been her mom for a while 6 years. She had an amazing birthday and party. She’s my greatest gift and I will do whatever I can to make sure she’s healthy and happy. That’s my job.

Also I’ve been in an actually relationship for 9 months now. He’s still a blessing and is becoming one of my best friends. That’s a great sign of things to come.

My family and friends have been there for me through all of this. They know me and they know I am super independent. They know this period of my life is really rough and they have been there to help hold me up. I can’t thank them enough for everything.

And you guys. You have been there too. Through social media and some of you in my text messages in my phone. I love all of you guys.

Hopefully things turn around for me soon. I’m pretty tired of this year.

5 months. . .

Hey guys!

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been here but lately I go through these spurts of wanting to write then the mood fades and my mind changes and I go weeks without doing it. It’s been the same with the book I’m writing. My mojo is mostly nonexistent and I really need to get it back. I’m in a slump guys and I don’t really knowi how to break out of it.

I’ve been unemployed for five months now. I’ve gotten offers but the pay they have been offering is too low and I can’t just settle for anything so I wait and continue to apply and interview and try not to let my current circumstances bring me to a dark place. It would be really easy to go there but my faith is so strong I refuse to let myself get taken there.

There have been some positive things going on in my life though. Jas started first grade. She started off struggling but now she’s doing well. Neither of us knew how much work “big kid school” would be, but we are making the adjustments needed for this to be a very successful school year.

You guys remember I vlogged about the guy I met back in January? Well he’s still around. He’s been a great source of positivity and comfort throughout a year that has been rough to say the least. He’s always encouraging and motivating. He’s helped me take my mind off my troubles when I need it most. He’s met some of my family and he and Jas have a budding friendship that makes me smile to see. I told him recently that I don’t feel things happen by chance. I feel we were placed in each others lives for a reason and I truly believe it because God felt we needed each other. Whether he becomes my forever partner or just my forever friend, I am grateful to know him. He’s my bae!

My family has been great. We stick together like no other. They have also been a source of support for me and Jas and I appreciate them so much.

SO friends, please keep me in your prayers. God willing I will be employed soon and I can get my life back on track.

3 months. . .

3 months, almost 4 is how long I’ve been laid off work.

I was laid off, That next week my niece died and I slipped into a bit of a funk.

It bothers me only a bit that I haven’t found new employment yet but I have put every ounce of my faith in God and know that it’s coming.

I had all but lost my passion for writing but its slowly but surely coming back to me which is annoying, yet exciting. Having characters constantly trying to tell you their stories can be nerve racking but it just means I NEED to write.

My romantic life is pretty fulfilling and consistent. And that’s all I’ll say about that for now. 🙂

My baby goes to 1st grade this fall. Bitter sweet for me. My baby is growing up way too fast but I’m proud of her. Super proud.

I hope all is well with you guys. I haven’t kept up with anyones blogs but I’ll start again soon.

New and upcoming

Excerpt  from the new project I’m working on. . ., eHarmony. Plenty- o-fish, hell even Our Time, because ain’t nothing wrong with a little salt and pepper hair if the packaging is still in tact.
This year I’ll be turning 30 and I’m determined not to walk into a fabulous year single. Online dating can be a chore but it also has it’s perks. I get to meet a plethora of men, abet most of them strange It works wonders for a woman’s self esteem. Sure there are some men who use the sites purely as a means to get the booty(and women who pretend they aren’t there for that same reason), then there are others who are truly looking for something real and I’m here for it.
I bought a journal to document those encounters. I know I’ll look back at them one day and get a kick out of it. Although,currently , I shake my head every time I meet a new man, and he, and the date are a dud and I have to document the experience.
Like today, I went out with a pretty average looking guy named Curtis. He checked off a few of my boxes like; He’s employed, has no kids, his own place and his own car. Those are must haves for me, plus the fact that he’s asked me out 6 times within the past 3 weeks. Persistence is attractive to me and his chocolate skin didn’t hurt the situation one bit.
I ran my fingers through my thick curls a few times stretching one well past my shoulders inspecting the length. I was still not quite sure I liked the shade of strawberry blond I had chosen for it the week before but I’d make it work. I put on my super skinny jeans and a cute flirty top in my favorite color, royal blue I’m 5’9” and a curvy size 12. I don’t mind showing what I’m working with, but I am mindful of the signal showing too much sends to some of these fellas. I’m a very sexual person, but I don’t need to put that on a shirt and parade around town in it. That would be team too much.                                But back to Curtis.
Like i said, he was attractive enough ( see: alright looking) and his profile said he was 6’2 which meant I could wear heels if I wanted to and not tower over him, but I chose flats for this date.
. I got to our designated meeting place, Black Angus,  and let me say he lost a few points there, not because of his choice of venue, but for his choice of time frame, lunch. I knew for a fact that the place was elderly central during lunch hours and having grandpas gawking while I’m chewing my steak with my own permanent teeth was not my idea of a good time. Also, lunch time in that restaurant was prime time for creepers. The dim lighting coupled with the shady extra high back booths made for a perfect atmosphere to romance a side chick.
Curtis met me out front. The nearer he approached, the shorter he became. His 6’2” stature had shrunk down to my height of 5’9”. I was so happy I had chosen those flats. I stood, giving him the once over. He smiled.
“Nice to finally meet you beautiful.” He said, leaning in to hug me.
*Record scratch*
Were his two front teeth facing each other?
“Nice to meet you too. You should be glad I wore flats since your height on your profile was obviously a typo.” I said, pulling away from him, smirking.
“Yea, uh, about that.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Don’t worry about it, lets just get inside.” I told him, letting him lead the way.
Lunch was. . . awkward. I lead most of the conversation. Curtis had a bit of a stutter. I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or something he really suffered with, so I didn’t make it an issue. I caught myself a few times looking at him with scrunched eyebrows as he wiped the sweat from his forehead every 2 minutes.
Did I forget to mention that Curtis had gained a few pounds since his profile picture? He had to be at least 50 lbs heavier than the picture I saw of him and that was really a turn off.Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a teddy bear and your girl isn’t a size 2, but my pictures are current. No one coming to meet me will ever feel duped. Between his teeth, his stuttering and his sweating. I completely felt Catfished and wanted to get out of there sooner than later.
“You’re not feeling me are you?” Curtis asked, after wiping sweat from his forehead for the 100th time.
“If I’m honest,” I placed my napkin on the table before pushing my plate back a bit,”this date isn’t anything I thought it would be. We’re not clicking and chemistry is something you can’t force.” I was trying to be nice and not just say, “ Hell no, this is horrible and you won’t ever see me again.”
“I get it.” he said sighing heavily.
“You’re a nice guy, but, I suggest you update your profile.When a woman comes to meet you, she should know what you look like, for real, before hand. If she’s not interested, on to the next. An uninterested woman is not the end of the world.”                                                                                                                                                                “Women tend to be shallow.” he said, wiping his face with this napkin.
“People tend to have preferences. Just because you’re not one womans cup of green tea doesn’t mean you won’t be for the next one.”
“You’re right and you’re sweet. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He said, motioning for the bill from the waitress.
“You too.” I placed my hand on top of his, squeezing it gently.
Our date ended with a final hug and us going our separate ways. Good ol’ Curt would be number 8 in the dating fail section of my journal.
“On to the next.”
Being single wasn’t as fun as it was when I was younger. I wish I could go back to those days, but since life won’t stop moving for me, I’ll keep going on my quest to find Mr. Right, or Mr.
Right Now, whichever comes first.
Since it was a Tuesday evening and my date didn’t produce anything worth following up on, I kept my plans with my girls for happy hour. I needed to recharge and they were the best way to get that done. Plus they love hearing about the “Max Chronicles”, as they call them.