Excerpt from the new project I’m working on. . .
Match.com, eHarmony. Plenty- o-fish, hell even Our Time, because ain’t nothing wrong with a little salt and pepper hair if the packaging is still in tact.
This year I’ll be turning 30 and I’m determined not to walk into a fabulous year single. Online dating can be a chore but it also has it’s perks. I get to meet a plethora of men, abet most of them strange It works wonders for a woman’s self esteem. Sure there are some men who use the sites purely as a means to get the booty(and women who pretend they aren’t there for that same reason), then there are others who are truly looking for something real and I’m here for it.
I bought a journal to document those encounters. I know I’ll look back at them one day and get a kick out of it. Although,currently , I shake my head every time I meet a new man, and he, and the date are a dud and I have to document the experience.
Like today, I went out with a pretty average looking guy named Curtis. He checked off a few of my boxes like; He’s employed, has no kids, his own place and his own car. Those are must haves for me, plus the fact that he’s asked me out 6 times within the past 3 weeks. Persistence is attractive to me and his chocolate skin didn’t hurt the situation one bit.
I ran my fingers through my thick curls a few times stretching one well past my shoulders inspecting the length. I was still not quite sure I liked the shade of strawberry blond I had chosen for it the week before but I’d make it work. I put on my super skinny jeans and a cute flirty top in my favorite color, royal blue I’m 5’9” and a curvy size 12. I don’t mind showing what I’m working with, but I am mindful of the signal showing too much sends to some of these fellas. I’m a very sexual person, but I don’t need to put that on a shirt and parade around town in it. That would be team too much. But back to Curtis.
Like i said, he was attractive enough ( see: alright looking) and his profile said he was 6’2 which meant I could wear heels if I wanted to and not tower over him, but I chose flats for this date.
. I got to our designated meeting place, Black Angus, and let me say he lost a few points there, not because of his choice of venue, but for his choice of time frame, lunch. I knew for a fact that the place was elderly central during lunch hours and having grandpas gawking while I’m chewing my steak with my own permanent teeth was not my idea of a good time. Also, lunch time in that restaurant was prime time for creepers. The dim lighting coupled with the shady extra high back booths made for a perfect atmosphere to romance a side chick.
Curtis met me out front. The nearer he approached, the shorter he became. His 6’2” stature had shrunk down to my height of 5’9”. I was so happy I had chosen those flats. I stood, giving him the once over. He smiled.
“Nice to finally meet you beautiful.” He said, leaning in to hug me.
Were his two front teeth facing each other?
“Nice to meet you too. You should be glad I wore flats since your height on your profile was obviously a typo.” I said, pulling away from him, smirking.
“Yea, uh, about that.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Don’t worry about it, lets just get inside.” I told him, letting him lead the way.
Lunch was. . . awkward. I lead most of the conversation. Curtis had a bit of a stutter. I couldn’t tell if it was nerves or something he really suffered with, so I didn’t make it an issue. I caught myself a few times looking at him with scrunched eyebrows as he wiped the sweat from his forehead every 2 minutes.
Did I forget to mention that Curtis had gained a few pounds since his profile picture? He had to be at least 50 lbs heavier than the picture I saw of him and that was really a turn off.Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a teddy bear and your girl isn’t a size 2, but my pictures are current. No one coming to meet me will ever feel duped. Between his teeth, his stuttering and his sweating. I completely felt Catfished and wanted to get out of there sooner than later.
“You’re not feeling me are you?” Curtis asked, after wiping sweat from his forehead for the 100th time.
“If I’m honest,” I placed my napkin on the table before pushing my plate back a bit,”this date isn’t anything I thought it would be. We’re not clicking and chemistry is something you can’t force.” I was trying to be nice and not just say, “ Hell no, this is horrible and you won’t ever see me again.”
“I get it.” he said sighing heavily.
“You’re a nice guy, but, I suggest you update your profile.When a woman comes to meet you, she should know what you look like, for real, before hand. If she’s not interested, on to the next. An uninterested woman is not the end of the world.” “Women tend to be shallow.” he said, wiping his face with this napkin.
“People tend to have preferences. Just because you’re not one womans cup of green tea doesn’t mean you won’t be for the next one.”
“You’re right and you’re sweet. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” He said, motioning for the bill from the waitress.
“You too.” I placed my hand on top of his, squeezing it gently.
Our date ended with a final hug and us going our separate ways. Good ol’ Curt would be number 8 in the dating fail section of my journal.
“On to the next.”
Being single wasn’t as fun as it was when I was younger. I wish I could go back to those days, but since life won’t stop moving for me, I’ll keep going on my quest to find Mr. Right, or Mr.
Right Now, whichever comes first.
Since it was a Tuesday evening and my date didn’t produce anything worth following up on, I kept my plans with my girls for happy hour. I needed to recharge and they were the best way to get that done. Plus they love hearing about the “Max Chronicles”, as they call them.