Where you been?

I’ve spent more time reading other peoples blog than updating my own. I have too much stuff on my mind at any given moment and I forget to come here and release it. That is why I started this blog to begin with. Not for followers or fans or comments, but because EYE needed some place to come to just vent if that’s what I fell like doing at the time.

Here are just a few random things:

I LOVEEEEE my Princess Jasmine as anyone can tell by reading my posts. She is the joy of my life. My greatest accomplishment. She makes me go harder than before and I love her for it.

I despise my child’s sperm donor as you can also tell by reading. He’s shown me he’s a bum ass nigga. A low life. He’s nothing. The courts must deal with him now because I’m good on him. He’s not hurting me by not stepping up, because I’ve stepped up enough for the both of us. He’s not hurting Jasmine because she doesn’t know dude, so she could care less right about now. Hell, she’s only 3 months old. He’s missing out on a beautiful little girl. Sad that other dudes who had nothing to do with her conception WISH they were her father.*shrug* Oh well for you loser.

I am tired of my job but I feel stuck. I’m a single parent and I have bill to pay. I can’t go out looking for new employment when I am blessed to be working, when so many others aren’t.

Why do men from my past keep popping up? Like where did you dudes come from? And what the fuck do y’all want all of a sudden?

I think once you’re past the age of 21 you’re too old to be calling the person you date girlfriend/boyfriend. It just sounds so juvenile to me. I mean I guess the term I use doesn’t sound any better. I say ” My dude” lmao. People know what the hell I mean damnit! But I just don’t like saying boyfriend. I’m way too grown for that. A sista will be 30 at the end of the year. And unless it’s “Husband” it’s “my dude” . *Shurg*

Why the hell is daycare so damn expensive? I mean shit! I am however grateful I have a place to send her with people I know, and they aren’t charging me the full amount. I’m also grateful I got to write that shit off on my taxes lol

Why do people complain so much about shit they have no control over? Does complaining make you feel any better? I bet it doesn’t. The people you’re complaining to are tired of hearing you talk about the bullshit issue anyway. So just stop it. Count your blessings and move on. If you can’t control it, get over it.

That’s it for now. I have to make sure next time something pops in my head I need to speak on, I have to either write it down and blog about it later or open my blog up if I’m in front of the pc and wooosaaaa

Dear Sperm Donor

Let me start off by saying we created a beautiful life together. She makes my day everyday and she is everything to me. So for your role in her creation, I sincerely thank you.

I have so many emotions right now. Bringing my child into the world was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I died in the process but was revived. It is my sincere belief that she and I are meant to be together. It saddens me that she was born October 30^th 2009 and you still have not met her. I don’t know what your reasons/excuses are and frankly I don’t care. You had just as much time as I did to wrap your head around the fact that Jasmine was coming into the world. She wasn’t planned and I did everything I could do to prevent her from coming into this world. But once God told me I was having the baby, I knew she was destined to be here. I got used to the idea and prepared myself for her arrival. I thought that you would be doing the same. But as it turns out, you hadn’t made any adjustments to your life for her arrival nor did you even mention to anyone that she was on the way. So my life had to be flipped upside down while you pretended nothing life changing was going to happen soon.

I’ve made some silly mistakes in my life but the worst by far was being with you. I thought I know you well. I thought I knew what kind of man you were. The kind that I would have loved to start a family with and spend the rest of my life. But you are really just an excellent actor. You had us all fooled.

I’ve made several attempts to introduce you to the child you helped create but as usual you have a million and one excuses as to why you can’t. If you don’t want anything to do with her, that’s really all on you. But please don’t think you’re doing anyone any favors by acting like you WANT to meet her but “ something suddenly came up.” You should write a book on how to make excuses for EVERYTHING because you are so good at it.

I’d like you to know, I’m not a bitter bitch because of all of this. I am really very thankful you decided now not to be active in her life rather than years down the line when she has a chance to be hurt by you. I will never let that happen. I will never let you hurt my child. So as of right now, I will not try and make any more efforts for you to be in her life. You can go on pretending she doesn’t exist because to you, obviously she doesn’t. I’ve made my bed and I lay in it every day. Jasmine Michelle is the light of my life. She brings me so much joy I can’t even express it. Unfortunately you have no idea what you’re missing out on. And at this rate, you probably never will.

You know where to find us if you decide to grow up and be a man. But if you wait to long, don’t even bother. You can wait until she’s of age to decide to look for you on her own. Because I will certainly no longer press the issue since I’m the only one it matters to.

I truly wonder what your father would think of how you are handling things. He’s probably just as disappointed as I am.

Happy New Year!

Happy new year folks! My end of year turned out to be pretty good. The birth of my baby girl was truly a blessing and having her here has brought me nothing but happiness. She was my birthday gift ( my bday was on thanksgiving day)

bday gift

my Christmas present

Christmas gift

and my new year smooch at midnight lol

New Years kiss

. I hope you all are starting off you new year in the most positive, motivated way you know how. I know I am. Things are looking up for me and I plan on keeping it that way.

*smooches*

Jazzy Boo!

She’s growing up so fast! She’ll be 2 months old on the 30th! where does the time go?

Jasmine Michelle

I know it’s been awhile since my last post and I probably won’t catch up with updates until next month sometime when I’m back to work. But I just wanted to update the world! I had my little girl! Jasmine Michelle was born Oct 30th 2009 at 1:08am. She weighed in at 7lbs 11oz and was 20.5 inches. She was 4 weeks early and my labor and delivery was very hard. Needless to say she’ll probably be my only child lol. I don’t think I’d put myself through labor and delivery again on purpose lol.

 

Let me share a few pics of my new baby before I go, she’s beautiful!

Family

Why is it that family members feel that they can be the ones to judge you so harshly? Why is it that they feel they are entitled to say whatever they’d like without any backlash what so ever? Then when things change or people are upset with them they wonder why and become the victim. I really don’t get it.

sorry, just ranting.

Randomly Honest

I saw this on a few blogs and thought it was pretty cool to just lay it all out there for everyone to see *wavin at whomever is reading* lol. So here are a few honestly random facts about Ms.Krissy. . .

People who know me now would never guess that I wasn’t always this confident and that I suffered threw years of depression. Even at one point contemplated ending my life( I was like 13). Then something clicked in my brain about 3 years later when I turned 16 and I finally felt good about myself and have felt that way ever since.

I lost my virginity when I was 19. I wasn’t ready for it at all. It didn’t feel good. My old ass boyfriend at the time went to town on me. I felt like Miss Ciely from the color purple when she said it felt like Mister was going to the toilet on her.  I think my wack ass ex was used to hoochies and what not that had little to no feeling in that area and wasn’t used to messing with virgins.

After I broke up with above mentioned ex I didn’t have sex again for 4 years. Celibate by choice ( and with good reason) now I can’t get enough of it, go figure!

I used to be a really big girl. I wore a size 24-26. I’ve since “slimmed down” to a size 14 and I love this size a lot.

When I was 17 I was dating a boy whose bestfriend was kinda dating my bestfriend at the time. He called and told her one day that he didn’t really want to be with me. I was TOO BIG for him but I had a pretty face and he just wanted to have sex with me. Ol douche bag negro saw me some years later and tried to holla at me because I had “Changed”. I made sure I told him, ” Oh I think I’m too big for you, it would never work between us.”

While I’m not scared of death or dying, I’m scared to death of my mother dying. I’ve had a dream or 2 about her passing and I completely lost my mind. Woke up actually crying about it.  So I pray on that daily that she lives a long healthy life because selfishly I don’t think I could take her not being around.

I’ve always had my life planned out and how I wanted things to turn out. Since I was little it’s been written down. I even had names of my future children planned.( funny that my baby’s name wasn’t even on that list, how things change lol)

When I told the father of my child that we were going to be parents in a few months his 1st response was, ” How did that happen” and at that moment, I hated him!

I used to wear nothing but dark colors, now you can’t get me to buy black unless its an accent to something bright. When I popped out of my shell I REALLY popped. I want everyone to see me now lol

I have an associates degree in psychology and I only have 2 semester to go before I can get a higher degree in that same field. Makes me upset every time I think about how close I am to it. And I got this far without any loans or financing. Did it all on my own. At least that part makes me proud.

I used to only date older men because when I was bigger I THOUGHT they were the only ones checking for me. So I was always dating guys 10+ years older than I was. And while I felt admired, I never felt comfortable with them.

I’ve been doing hair unlicensed for that past 10 years. I always get asked why I never went to school for it and why I don’t open my own shop. Truth is, I don’t really like doing hair that much, I just was doing it as a means to pay for school. I still do it on the side now for extra cash, but i’m very selective about whose hair i’ll do. People think because you do it at home, they don’t have to pay what you ask of them. That’s Negros for u.

I lived with my parents until I was 25. Although I worked and was independent of their money, I even paid them rent, I didn’t move out until 25. And since Ive been out of their house, I’ll do everything in my power to stay living on my own. There’s nothing like it.

I’ve been in love 3 times in my life. Once at 17, then at 24 and now at 28.

I dated a guy for 3 years who was living a double life. He was dating me here in cali and was also seeing some chick in NY for a year and a half of our relationship. When questioned about why he didn’t just break up with me when a year and a half later he found someone else, his reasoning was that he didn’t wanna hurt me *blank stare* Like finding out by the other chick calling me after I had finally broke up with him because she was snooping threw his e-mails was gonna hurt much less (reference ” The Hurt” for a poem about that craptasticness)

I’m terrified of the pain that’s gonna come with delivering this child. Like I’m scared I won’t be able to do it. As happy as I am otherwise, that’s the part that scares me the most.

I’ve come to realize that I wasn’t in love with the father of my baby. After I broke up with him, I felt nothing. No regret, no remorse, no what ifs. I felt nothing. Even right now, we’re gonna be co-parents and I feel nothing for the man. I guess that makes me feel some sorta way because I can’t even say my baby was created out of love. She was created because the damn latex broke!

I have an open distaste for white people or just “others” period who “Act black”. I hate when they speak with slang and wear clothes that are “For us by us”. I hate when they act like they know what it is to struggle like black folks have. And What I hate most is that black people have made that acceptable.  They get upset with us in front of “others” and no black folks around we’d still be niggers in their eyes, at least for a moment.

My grandfather was ran off cotton picking plantation down south and away from his family at 15 because the white bosses son thought he could just pick on him daily. He did for awhile until grandaddy couldn’t take it any longer. He beat the shit out of that white kid and had to leave the state before they found him and hung him. This story leads to my distaste for white folks in general. But if it wasn’t for that, he’d never have met my granny and my family wouldn’t exists. So thank you and fuck you every much white man!

I’ve met some wonderful people on the internet over the years. One has become one of my bestfriend and we hang out all the time. Others I have never met but love them to death! Being online has actually contributed to shaping me into the woman I am today. I guess mostly because on the net you can be who you want to be, and for me, I choose to be completely myself. Come to find out, being me is an awesome thing. Much easier than being someone else.

I’ve never in my life been attracted to a man who wasn’t black. I don’t find pale skin sexy and the thought of pink penis kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little.  I’ve been called closed minded because of this, but I just think it’s my preference and I like what I like and pink junk ain’t it!

ok that’s it for now with the randomness. My mind just went blank. Probably because it’s almost time to go home for the day! YES!

Peace!

The man. . .

so as we know by now from reading this here blog, I’m gonna have a baby. A little girl to be exact * smiles at the thought as she presses her feet under my boobs lmao* so it’s not secret and with this belly, it couldn’t be even if I wanted it to *shakes fists in anger*. But what I’m really writing about right now is the man in my life. He’s not my child’s father. I started seeing him a few months after I broke up with pops-to-be and it was all lovely. I’ve known this dude for at least 7 years and have always felt some kinda way about him we just never spoke on it. We’d have a good time when we were together, not talk for awhile for no particular reason and then we’d reconnect and it was like we never lost contact to begin with. Well when I found out about Jasmine, I told him 1st thing. I didn’t want to keep it a secret and I also didn’t know how he’d take finding out the woman he was dating was having a child by another man. So I explained the situation to him. How I had been pregnant the past few months but didn’t know because I had 2 test preformed on me and both were negative. And with the last one, the doc told me to just wait it out, maybe I was stressed and my cycle would resume. It never did. I got tired of waiting. So I went to the a different doc. Had some test preformed and there, she confirmed that I was already 21 weeks preg. Great! FML! Or at least that’s how I was feeling at the time. So he comforts me. He says, “things will work out, and don’t worry, just go buy some baby clothes and stop crying like a lil bitch!” which cracked me up and made me feel so much better. He also told me later that day, ” You know, this doesn’t change the way I feel about you or us, nothing will. You are too good of a woman and such a great catch I’d be a dummy to let you walk away.” *swoon* and guess what, he’s been around and doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere. Gotta love that. And he comes over and makes me feel wonderful And rubs and kisses my belly *smiling at the thought*. All in all, the man is wonderful and I am truly blessed.

Moving on. . .

I didn’t move on from anything in particular, I moved on to my own place. I’ve been roommates with my best friend for almost 4 years now. We’ve lived in 2 different apartments and the experience was lovely. We get along so well that living together as long as we have was never a problem. I know other people go into roommate situations and come out of them no longer friends. I think if anything our friendship is even stronger because we’ve had this experience.

I moved to a new city into a new place and I love it being just me ( at least for now) . The building is quiet and I promise I get the best sleep there. I never want to get up for work in the mornings. It’s pretty awesome. Like when I come home from work, the 1st thing I think is, ” this is mine”. and It makes me feel some sorta way. I’ve even had my 1st “sleep over” last weekend. That was also awesome. Waking up with someone all snuggled up next to you is never a bad thing. But when he was gone I didn’t feel lonely, being in my own place still felt awesome.  I plan on being in this place at least 2 years then it’s on to bigger things. Maybe a house. Who knows. But this is preparing me for whatever comes next and I’m lovin’ it.

ugh!!!

Let me tell you something that irks me! I read a lot of blogs from normal folks. I love doing this and I always have. I find it entertaining. What I hate about a lot of blogs is you click them open and some loud ass music pops on and you can’t figure out where the shit is coming from. People, when I’m reading blogs I’m at work, in an office, that is quiet until the very second your bullshit music comes on and has everyone in here looking at me. Then I frantically try and close the page because I can’t find the music player on your got damn blog. Why do you people do that? Why can’t you put the music player on there and if I CHOOSE to press play I will and If I choose not to I won’t. Be considerate damnit and stop trying to get me fired for being on the Internet at work! sheesh!

That is all. . . (exhale)